So What the Heck is Unconditional Love?

woman smiling while being kissed on the forehead by a man

I was raised saying, “I love you” to my friends, family, and intimate partners. And while this phrase was freely given as a child, as I grew up I developed a need to know I was going to hear it back before I said it.

Only in the last few years did I learn that this kind of love is conditional. As you may have already realized in your life, this can create a lot of suffering.

In my current partnership, we have agreed to return to unconditional love no matter what. For us, this means regardless of what happens, who hurts who, where trust has been breached, or how much we want to hold a grudge or not forgive each other, we choose to love. We choose to peel back what’s in the way and remember that we are love without needing to do anything.

But, What is Unconditional Love?

Is it really possible to love no matter what? What might it mean to love without any conditions? Without concern, if that love is reciprocated or received? Regardless of how we are treated?

Would it look something like Jesus saying of his crucifiers, “Forgive them, Lord. They know not what they do”? Thinking about the people who have figuratively crucified me, my response is usually quite different. It’s more like, “You’re such a $@%*(%#.”

It makes sense that most of us have no idea what unconditional love is.

Read the full article at Beducated.

Mindful (S)expectations

legs of a couple

Oh, the tangled webs we weave when we pretend to not have expectations. Talk about setting yourself up for failure.

It’s a funny thing, really, to walk into a long-anticipated connection with an intimate partner and think that you’re both coming in with the same intentions and emotions. Last September, my lover Lila and I met in Mexico, after 2 months of being apart.

Instead of talking about our expectations and where we currently were, we just showed up, without too much communication over the previous month.

We tried to believe that all would go swimmingly, while secretly asking ourselves:

Would we love each other the same?
Would we still see the Goddess in one another?
Would we be as hungry for each other as we were the last time?
Would the changes in our other lovers change how we related? For better or worse?

We didn’t actually ask any of these questions aloud.

What we did do was show up with a whole truckload of unspoken expectations and fears. Seven days later, we parted ways again – me to Mexico for the fall and Lila back home to Sydney – having returned to the bliss of remembering our deep love for one another and the recognition of the Divine in our connection.

But it wasn’t fucking easy. Shit came up. Again and again.

And what did we do?

We remembered that conflict is actually part of a relationship. And we didn’t let each other walk away.

Read the full article on Omooni.

Delving into Polyamory

Last week I got to speak with Nikki Leigh who hosts a radio show called Ready for Love. We talking about lots of juicy details in polyamory and nontraditional relationships. Check it out here!

Here is the link to the full 1 hour show (scroll down the page to find the recording.) Please leave a comment and let me know what resonated with you!

Some Things We Discussed – 

  • Monogamy & Polyamory
  • Partnership & Lovership (love this term)
  • What is the best thing about polyamory?
  • What is New Relationship Energy?
  • Jealousy in Polyamory
  • What does showing up authentically in a relationship mean?
  • … and much more

Interesting Quotes and Links

“Definitions are important – not to categorize, but to speak the same language.”

“I truly love the interconnectedness of non-monogamy.”

Poly 101 – Definitions  https://www.morethantwo.com/poly101.pdf

Terms – http://www.readyforloveradio.com/non-monogamous-terms-and-concepts/

Polyamory is Figureoutable

two women and a man hugging

I’m a newbie to the poly world. I’ve only been living in conscious non-monogamy for the last six years, more or less consciously depending on the year and day. The surprising part is that I couldn’t tell you why it started. I heard a lecture on polyamory, had big triggers and mental blocks, thought I would never consider it, and then a month later I wasn’t interested in monogamy anymore.

Not only has my approach to dating and partnership been flipped on its head since then, but my whole life has changed paradigms. It continues to do so regularly. I have been influenced by all of the partners, lovers and configurations of polycules (see below if you’re unfamiliar with this term) I’ve been in over the last six years. And through much trial and error, yes I have made a lot of mistakes, and the support of many lovers and partners, I’ve come up with my ideal way I want polyamory to look in my life.

Just to clarify, this article is not about how to overcome jealousy, find compersion or deal with the stuff that comes up in poly relationships. And it is not to help you decide if you want to be in a non-monogamous relationship, although it might help people considering non-traditional relationship structures.

The intention of this article is simply to offer a few ideas of how to uncover the non-monogamous relationship structure you want, clarify the conscious non-monogamy and open yourself to playing within these structures as they change with each new arrangement of people. And, finally, I hope it helps you to find your own boundaries, desires and the non-negotiable things in your intimate relationships.

Read the whole article on Omooni.com.